Today I grieve. Getting out of bed was tough. Getting off the couch even tougher. It is the day I finally turned over the last of my volunteer responsibilities to someone else. I didn’t let it go easily – held on to it for entirely too long. Saying goodbye to this part of my life was so hard. The last 14 years volunteering has connected me with some of the most passionate people one could imagine. There was drama, laughter, and 100 watt kid smiles. Friendships were made that now span more than a decade. It was all building towards a career, a goal. It was the foundation for public service. Now, it is time to say goodbye to the volunteer. There is no energy or time to give freely. My energy must be conserved for my family, my kids.
There are layers of grief when dealing with a terminal illness in your spouse. You grieve for them. But, you also must grieve for yourself. Allow it guilt-free. You, too, are losing parts of yourself, parts of your future, parts of your now.
Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow I move on. Tomorrow I tackle the next layer of grief.