“I do not see the disease.” “He seems pretty normal.” These are frequent comments from some. Perhaps these sentiments are supposed to make me, the spouse, the caretaker, the one who drove the train to a diagnosis, feel better. Or, maybe, it is to make you feel better – like it isn’t actually happening and denial is a safe emotion. I really do not know the motivation. I do know that it irritates me, deeply. It furthers the hurt that I was not and am not believed. It actually screams: YOU DO NOT KNOW MY HUSBAND OR ME AT ALL. Because, those that are close, those that ask the thoughtful questions, those that have a keen sense of observation see it clearly.
No one can make you “see” it. Perhaps, looking harder, loving stronger, or trusting deeper will help. You pick.
This gets said to parents of kids on the spectrum all the time. Your frustration and hurt at the statement are completely justified.
It’s often the hardest coming from people who are “friends.”
Embrace those who do have eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts to believe.